This Rock Slide Is Pathetic: Or, The New Theory of Relativity

I’ve become very skeptical of road signs. Rock Slide Area, Falling Rocks, Road Damage, Uneven Road Surface, 35 M.P.H. Curve, ICY, Speed Enforced By Radar, and Narrow Road – to name a few – have all lost some of their urgency.

Your Road Damage is a crack. I think. I can’t really find any. Where’s the two-inch gap between lanes from snow melting and freezing for months, making even the most innocent of lane changes a lesson in disaster avoidance? Your Uneven Road Surface is repaving over old yet perfectly smooth asphalt. Where are the potholes and loose rocks? This 35 M.P.H. Curve is built for bumbling RVs, not nimble hatchbacks. 50 mph, easy. I haven’t seen a single cop in your desolate wastelands, and to me narrow means “space for two, only if mirrors are scraping”, not an imperceptible decrease in shoulder width. And where’s all the ice? It’s been sunny and above 50 for days – and to top it all off, none of these so called “passes” are above 7500 feet.

Your rock slide is a gently sloping if possibly somewhat chunky hill subtly approaching the roadside, not overhanging cliffs of loose sandstone. Semi-truck sized hole possible? I think not.

If you don’t mind – this is our road trip, DOT – we’ve seen worse and more precarious roads than your RV-driving, fanny-pack-wearing, upside-down-map-toting, slow-and-cautious target audience will ever hope to.

Thanks, but no thanks.

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