Plea

The only thing I can coherently say about this week is that I am counting the days until I can get out of this sink-hole. From a mental sanity and ideologically functional point of view, this is where brain cells come to die. I can’t have a conversation without it turning to ideology and politics and conflict and peace and hope and despair and solutions and the lack thereof and religion and comparisons and discrimination and relations and mind-bending questions of self-identity. I don’t even know what I think anymore, and I know exactly what I think.

I want out.

This week: I went on a Breaking the Silence tour, Ameer Makhoul’s attorneys got him 7-10 years in a plea bargain, I feel bad for his daughters, a scheduled right-wing march in Umm al-Fahm led to Palestinian residents and protestors being beaten by police, ostensibly just for showing up, and Palestinian children weren’t allowed to come to Tel Aviv for a children’s film festival. And we saw a bad ass mofo on a motorcycle and black motorcycle armor and dashing good lucks with…a machine gun. And I wake up in the morning and send emails about publications and Knesset laws and update old event details on a website that no one sees.

Save me.

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3 thoughts on “Plea

  1. Would you be shunned if, e.g., you said that you COULD compare Israel to Nazi Germany? Or would you stir up a really interesting conversation–surfacing what now lurks only in your heart, and now, again, in your first paragraph? I have once again just used “surfacing” to describe what I have thought is the necessary first step in conflict resolution (that is lacking in my experience of that practice as presently practiced)–getting people to admit to each other that the conflict exists. Now I realize another step must be added even before that step: that this conflict must first surface in my own experience, and you describe what that feels like. If you go ahead from here and surface it interpersonally, it would either or both: cause other people to enter that anomie-zone (for conflict is not A against B, but smashing a confus-ed/-ing situation with a hammer, in which process other people and their lives, liberty, property, pursuits of happiness, fortunes, sacred honor(s), etc., become “collateral damage”), or, more likely (since people are not stupid), help them to acknowledge the turmoil that they already feel and resolve to join you in airing it out, seeking some resolution–a word stemming from “loosening”. We are not born to be tied up in knots.
    Can you just walk away from that knot? I doubt it. What do you think?

  2. Being an expatriate for a while is an excellent way to see what had been, to quote another USer I met in Kenya in the Peace Corps thirty years ago, “lost in the sauce”. Another, a third, guy told me there, an Englisher of some sort, maybe, about being in Nicaraqua (this happened, see, right as Samoza was going out with a bang–“he bombed his own cities” a Nicaraguan told me with amazement a couple of years later, one I ran into while stopping by St. Michael’s College in Burlington, VT, just to see what it was like). See–this stuff happens to you. So the Englisher said he’d been in Nicaragua out in the country and had run into someone dressed more or less like Zorro–black, black leather, add in silver guns and bullets and stuff, and this guy turned out to be the son of the lord of the manor, and was apparently free to ride around on his black horse shooting peasants if it was necessary–I think was the upshot of the story. Pun. Even then the end of that regime was becoming apparent to all. ?

  3. You are learning so much! and all your knowledge, even the things you dont think you will ever need again will be called upon at some strange future moment and you will be uniquely able and amazing.

    Also, come home.

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