Diatribe from an average moment in life.

So the day got thrown into a pit of hell when I read my horoscope at the coffee shop and it was only three stars. THREE STARS. I don’t want a three star day. Anyway. Although I do have enough for a free coffee now (like, next time, or whatever).

Some Masshole totally cut me off when I was driving, and I honked and him, and he gave me the whole hands in the air “what?! fuck you!” attitude. Fuck him.

And then, I had this awesomely delicious spinach feta croissant that I only had three bites of, and I had to go to the bathroom, so I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, the dumb dog (who, by the way, is weirdly afraid of me) was standing next to my desk with his head all cocked with that sort of guilty “uhh, what’d I do?” dog face, and my croissant WAS GONE.

THE FUCKING DOG ATE MY CROISSANT.

I can’t even tell you how fucking pissed I am. Like, I can’t even work. I try to google something, and then I’m like, where’s my fucking croissant?!?! And now I’m hungry! And I can’t do anything about it! Because the dumb dog ate my croissant!

So really, the question here is, why the hell is there a dog in the office? Yeah, I don’t know, but I tell you, we are SO not friends right now. I think he knows it, too, he’s totally avoiding me.

Man. I could really go for a spinach feta croissant right now. And I can’t even go buy a new one because I spent all my money on the first one. Well, you know what dog? I hope you enjoyed it. Because you are hella never getting my croissants AGAIN.

So assuming the default day is five stars, I lose one for the Masshole, and one for the croissant, things should theoretically only go up from here, unless my horoscope star calculus is off. Remains to be seen.

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3 thoughts on “Diatribe from an average moment in life.

  1. Ancient Britons Drank From Skulls
    Ancient Britons used scooped-out human skulls as drinking cups in a mysterious ritual that also involved eating some of the flesh inside, scientists said Thursday.
    The 14,700-year-old skulls, belonging to two adults and a child aged about three, were found in a cave in Cheddar Gorge, southwest England, the Natural History Museum in London said.

    The ice age humans cleaned out the skulls and “meticulously” shaped them into gruesome goblets by retouching the broken bone edges, said Silvia Bello, a fossil human expert at the museum.

    “We suspected that these early humans were highly skilled at manipulating human bodies once they died, and our research reveals just what great anatomists they were,” Bello said in a statement.

    “The cut-marks and dents show how the heads were scrupulously cleaned of any soft tissues shortly after death. The skulls were then modified by removing the bones of the face and the base of the skull,” she added.

    “Finally, these cranial vaults were meticulously shaped into cups by retouching the broken edges, possibly to make them more regular. All in all it was a very painstaking process given the tools available.”

    Researchers said there was evidence the ancient humans ate some of the flesh and also took out bone marrow for nutritional purposes.

    But they said cannibalism did not seem to be the main purpose.

    “There was clear determination to preserve the cranial vault as complete as possible. It is likely that this was part of some symbolic ritual and not mere necessity,” Bello said.

    Chris Stringer, a human origins expert at the museum, said the amount of work that went into fashioning the cups suggested a special purpose and that they may have been used to hold blood, wine or even food.

    The human skull cups are the first to have been discovered in Britain and the oldest examples found anywhere in the world, according to the research, published in the journal PLoS One.

    The practice of using human skulls as containers has been documented in other parts of the globe, including in Scandanavia by the Vikings, but actual examples are extremely rare, it said.(AFP)

  2. Am I to understand that the appropriate response should have been to kill the dog and use its skull as a teacup in revenge? What else could the connection be?

    Dad

  3. I am glad you are following Audrey’s blog. She seems to be going off the deep end.
    What did you think of her piece about the NY Times magazine’s article about the peace process this past ?Sunday? I was amazed they ran that article, which opens with the author saying, “As I write this, Mubarak has just agreed not to stand for reelection.”
    Then some guy named Sol Stern attacks the article from the right on some fairly visible platform.
    I have a slogan, after all these years of the global war on terror–I came up with it in time for the NAACP-Democratic-Party demonstration at Portland City Hall on MLK Day last month–“racism is suicidal”, on a poster featuring a star of David opened into a swatika (a Hakenstern, it would be called in German, analogous to the Hakenkreuz). It seemed to get each speaker’s attention as I waved it in the air over my head from the front of the audience. The rabbi seemed especially forbidding in his gloweriness. The NAACP lady seemed to be beaming in my direction, a suprise given our turmoil-y conversation in emails about the demonstration’s announced content. I thought it should say something about the war on terror being racist and she’d said it would (MLK’s Riverside speech). Not a mention was made.
    Israel itself seems to be entering the final phases of the Jonestown, Guyana process which supplied us with that famous trope about the vats of Kool-Aid. So it would not be surprising if supporters of Israel, among whose faintest, most distant left-wing element I would count Audray (judging from her posts from Israel and environs), were also coming apart at the seams. I would make an Audrey-esque-ism here and make that, “coming apart at the seems”.

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