The internet fucking sucks. It is terrible and is ruining everything. At least, the people on the internet are terrible and are ruining everything.
The internet itself is an amazing place. It’s the kind of place you go when someone says “fried dandelions” and you say “I’m going to go find out about that” and so you internet, and you do. Go ahead and look. It’s not quite as saturated a market as, let’s say, basil pesto, but there’s enough to go on.
Basically, here is how to fry dandelions (based on a rough interpretation of all of the recipes), or how to turn this:
(Okay, so the fresh yellow ones definitely look more appetizing.)
I’m not as neurotic about avoiding bitterness as the rest of the internet, so basically go around all the cleanest part of your yard or nearest dog- and chemical-free dandelion patch and snap the heads off of all the flowers. The internet says to stick to the smaller ones, which also makes sense because they are easier to break off.
Get all the flowers until you are like, “this is enough flowers”, or your cute flower-gathering basket is full, or you run out of flowers. Whatever. Just remember that you’ll have to wash and batter and fry (and eat) them all so don’t over-do it.
Rinse all your flowers. Then lay them out on a towel to dry because wilty wet flowers are sad (and also will cause problems for battering and frying).
While you’re waiting for them to dry, mix up:
1 cup of flour
1 cup of (leftover, flat) beer
salt and pepper
Use your best judgment; I was going for a runny-ish batter, so I added maybe an extra tablespoon of beer.
I like to “deep” fry in a (cast iron) wok, because due to Euclidean geometry (?) it requires the least oil. Feel free to challenge me on the mathematical theory basis, but know that I will challenge you to a fry-off to prove it on an empirical basis.
Anyway, heat up some high-heat oil (like canola), maybe an inch or two deep, until the right temperature which is when you put something in and it fries in the proper amount of time. This, also, is very scientific.
Then, in batches, dip your now-mostly-dry blossoms in your batter (I kind of just tossed them in, stirred them around to coat them, then scooped them out in wads) and put them nicely in your hot oil. Make sure they get golden-brown on all sides (they should go pretty quickly, like less than a minute to possibly a minute and a half depending on the size of the wad). Scoop them out and put them up to drain while you do alllllllll the rest of your flowers. Sucks for you if you picked too many.
Serve with leftover hot sauce scrounged from the fridge.
Be happy that you made lunch/snack/dinner without going to the store.